That gaze
1 min read

That gaze

I once sat with friends while enjoying some coffee and discourse at one of the coffee shops in my hometown, Serang. One of my eyes felt like something—or someone, specifically—was watching towards me yet I was too deep in my friend's story.

I once peeked to my left and she turned away, I could barely see her full face as my first look was always to the eyes.


From a distance I saw her standing behind what I used to know "PoS", which stands for "Point of Sales". I see her eyes, the way she looked, and gazed. It reminds me of someone who has that serious look while still maintaining her cute face. She looks kind, and friendly. Her voice sounds like a woman while her outfit looked more than that.

My mouth wanted to say "hi" but my inner me prevented to do so.

My soul feels empty yet there is something that still resides there.

And my conversation with myself disappeared when my friend surprised me.

They saw what I saw, asked me something to validate, and did something like a friend would normally do. I didn't hear it, I just felt like I was staring someone at someone else, so they didn't have to bother.

I know I just miss.

I miss her gaze.

I miss her eyes.

I miss her voice.

Not that gaze, not that eyes, not that voice.

But her.


I wanted to ask her favorite song, her current watchlist, her favorite coffee, her favorite book, her day, anything but names.

It's kinda nice to know someone without ever knowing the name.

So she probably won't have to wait for the name she wants to hear, while I leave my hometown yet never knowing when I will ever back.

And I probably won't have to add a new name to my Contacts app, while my contacts only have 13 names.

And we probably won't have to say "see you later", while we wanted to do so.

Then life will still goes on,

without having to say "goodbye, <name>"